A Perspective Shift
Since moving to San Diego I’ve gone through a complete shift of perspective and a major part of this change is how I see relationships and the opposite sex. Through this I’ve realized that I had a completely skewed view of women. Now that I’ve stepped off that path, I can see the complete foulness of how guys (for the most part) think about girls.
Not think but talk. Not talk but view. Not view but act. Not act but try to act.
When guys get together, a huge portion of their conversation is about girls. Regardless of the types of guys or environment or age or race or culture or any other factor, girls are always major topic. And these conversations are almost always negatively focused and degrading.
Some examples, quoted as verbatim as possible, graphic language included.
Friend :: “Did y’all fuck any of them?”
No questions about the experience of meeting three random girls through an online site or how well we were matched or what the bar was like. Not at all.
I’ve explained Grouper three times and each time the first response was the exact same :: “Did any of y’all smash?”
Friday Night Partying
It usually starts with a few guys drinking before going out to the bars. Why? So they can get tipsy. Why? So they can talk to girls. Why? So they can hopefully, maybe get girls to come home with them. I would say that 70% of pre-going out talk revolves around “Where are the hottest girls?” and “Who’s going to smash tonight?” and all this other talk. Because that’s pretty much what it is :: talk.
95% of the time guys don’t go home with a girl from a bar.
75% the guys talking a big game don’t talk to more than 5 girls.
All talk. But afterwards all the talk is justified with excuses. And come the next night the talk starts all over again.
I’m having coffee with my Syrian roommate and his friend from Turkey, who I just met. We’re talking about girls (obviously) from their law school and Turkey keeps saying how “stupid” (while pushing his nose up) the girls are because they don’t give him attention.
He repeatedly jumps to the conclusion that all girls should sleep with him on the first night when meeting him at a bar and if they don’t then.. you know.
It’s all about him him him and what the girls can / should do for him and if they don’t please him than they are stupid.
3 countries represented yet the discussion is the same.
It was a Wednesday night around 8:30 when my friend invited me downtown for “just for an hour”. After being working all day I wanted to see the city, to explore, to be in the action, so I agreed to go “just for an hour”. We met up with this friend M and immediately the conversation shifted to strictly girls. And not in a good way.
M went on and on about girls and how “girls in Miami come and talked to you” and how “girls in San Diego suck” and were stuck up and blah blah blah for the 10 minute walk downtown.
Then upon arriving we literally cycled through a handful of bars “hunting” for girls. For the whole hour. M would take us to this bar while talking about how packed with girls it was a few night ago but now it sucked. And then we would leave. In one bar, out within minutes. Again and again. Of the few girls we encountered, he didn’t even talk to one.
“Let’s Find Some Girls”
I hate guy’s group mentality of going out to “find some girls”.
It has a sole purpose that neglects all other options.
It stinks of a hunter mentality and is clearly obvious.
It’s not fun.
Instead, on the occasion when I do go out, I leave the house thinking ::
“Let’s make friends and have a good time.”
This shifts the purpose of the evening from a singular goal to a limitless number of options. I make friends with guys and girls, explore different areas and new places, and end up with a bucket of collected experiences.
Sex is great, I’m not going to argue that. We’re all sexual creatures and bad things happen when we repress this amazing part of life.
But what’s not great is making sex the end focus. The fact that so many guy’s perspective starts and stops with sex leads to a wide array of problems, for both guys and girls.
It creates a short term focus for a relationship.
It’s selfishly focused on one objective.
It leads to insincere motives and actions.
It leads to inevitable pain.
If our aim is to find and cultivate a meaningful relationship, approaching women as a means to meaningless sex majorly undermines this goal.
I’m done with it. I’m not participating in this talk / perspective / anymore.