“Never have I ever: cheated.”
I keep all my fingers up.
I’m proud that I have never cheated on a girlfriend. Proud until I realize that I haven’t really had a chance to cheat. Except for that one time.
Back in the Day
I fell, fast and quickly for a her and soon we were in an exciting relationship and I thought would last. However, it didn’t take long to realize I was more into the excitement of being single and that this relationship wasn’t going to last.
A few weeks later and I was ready to break it off. Soon after making this mental decision but not actualizing it, I found myself in the bed of a truck with two temptresses pleading to “have a little fun.” Somehow, still not sure how I turned down a blonde, a brunette, and a good story, I withheld from “cheating” and walked away with both a clean conscience and relationship record.
*Keeps all fingers up.
We broke up soon after but the opportunity for those TWO girls never came back around. Bummer. And I haven’t really dated since. Not “Girlfriend-Boyfriend” dated. But recent experiences have given me more insight and thoughts on infidelity.
I fell fast and hard, and for that brief period of time it was as if we were together, in a relationships, dating, or whatever-you-want-to-call-it .
To sum up my feelings and thoughts into a few words is useless because I have written thousands. We were amazing. Except for the fact that weren’t hooking up.
We’ve made out, licking and touching, but as for real hooking up, it didn’t happen. Which doesn’t really happen. Sexual interaction is a must and if it’s not happening then we aren’t happening. But this girl, this dark skinned beauty, she wasn’t like other girls on the trip and I didn’t want to simply hook up with her. I didn’t want to push it and possibly mess up what could happen in the future. But the longer we didn’t, the more I wanted action, real action, not a tease.
Scene: Thursday night.
Enter: Beautiful brown girl eying me as we exchange surreptitious glances in the hostel. She’s sexy but not as sexy as my other brown girl but “You look South American” slyly lips out of my lips, sounding the starting gun for a night of dirty dancing and making out.
I felt like I was dating Brown Girl #1, now I go and make out with Brown Girl #2: How did I feel afterwards?
More important than my feelings is the lesson I learned. I experienced “cheating” without really cheating. No harm was done to either of us and instead it actually helped me learn about myself. This experience gave me the perspective of how it must feel when one part of the relationship isn’t happy or satisfied and an opportunity comes along at the exact right time to feel good again. I caught a glimpse, if ever so slight, into the thinking process that leads to cheating.
And I’ve still never cheated…
The Other Side of the Coin
Fast forward a month and a half, to a different country and a different girl. Who would of guessed I fell again?
All it took was a three-hour walk from the club to the hostel and this girl was immediately at the top of my list. Another night and her gold medal was solidified. Since I’m traveling indefinitely, I extended my stay to see what would happen if we stretched our time together. My choice proved to be correct as our time together became incrementally more fun / crazy / wild from night to night.
Every night we drank from the goblet of craziness, a mixture of alcohol, loud music, scandalous pictures, and sexual deviancies. And every night we turned the crazy knob up a few notches. She opened my eyes to what hooking up should be..but I’ll leave those details out. By night it was a party, by day it was recovery: sleeping late, lounging all day, sometimes venturing out into the city, watching movies, and preparing for the night ahead. It was a great week.
But one night it went wrong. Maybe night four or five she disappeared with another guy. I was almost mad but quickly reasoned out the situation. Here’s my thought process literally from that night, as it happened.
“We aren’t dating, we aren’t exclusive, none of that. Besides the fact that you have stayed in her bed for the last five nights, you haven’t attached any labels to your relationship so don’t let this affect. Let it slide.”
I thought I was fine with it. I thought I could brush it off and continue with our usual interactions. But, for some reason, or a few reasons, her actions really affected me. I didn’t really want to kiss her anymore, or do anything else either. I shut down. I had a heavy heart and it really set me back. Luckily I left the next day and after a introspective flight, I rationally worked over it.
I’ve now experienced “cheating” from both sides of the equation, in the slightest, least damaging way possible. No one was hurt and I walked away with significant insight into relationships, cheating, and sexuality. In the future this situation will come up again and I would like to believe that these experiences taught me how to correctly handle similar circumstances.
My fingers are still up.