Between taking a seven night road trip from San Diego to Austin, visiting Haiti for 10 days and my 27th birthday, something shifted.
My mind transitioned from confident and clear to foggy and confused. From having everything handled to feeling overwhelmed. I transitioned from logical to emotional thinking, something that is a very new feeling… or maybe it’s an old feeling that I haven’t felt in awhile.
From Austin’s familiarity, both emotionally and geographically, to being back with friends I’ve known for 15 years, to visiting Haiti and falling even more in love with it (and more) to turning 27, my world has been rocked.
Questions arose, doubts creeped in, scenarios changed and feelings of uneasiness, overwhelm, stress and confusion rushed in, rocking my foundation of stability, cruisssssing and confidence.
Here’s the thing : I knew it was coming. I expected it. “That’s how life works” I told myself. Life is a series of swells, up and down the rollercoaster, the fast and slow transitions of tempo.
I was feeling on top of the world but I knew it would turn around.
And now it’s turned around.
And even though I expected it, I couldn’t predict it. I couldn’t foresee where I am now, how I’m feeling, the thoughts I’m thinking and all of the other aspects rushing through my mind… it’s inevitable but unpredictable.
So in an effort to better understand myself, I committed to journaling.
I set a goal of journaling everyday. I haven’t stuck to that goal of “everyday” but almost everyday my first move, after the gym, is opening my Google Doc’s Journal Folder and typing my life onto the page.
And I write. I talk about my day, my thoughts. my feelings. my life.
I used to do this a lot. And my writings turned into blog posts about life. I would share experiences, thoughts, feelings and stories with the world. If you click around on this site, you can read them. And they’re fucking real. I didn’t hold back. I shared honestly, openly, wanting to be real.
So now I’m journaling… and sharing… and this is the start of my sharing.
I’ve stayed behind the scenes and below the radar the last couple years, way more than I used to. I tried to let my work talk for me, holding my cards close to my chest. Through this experience, over the last couple years, of moving to San Diego, going through an intense relationship, starting a business, traveling and all of the other intricacies, I’ve collected a lot of experiences. I’ve lived a lot, thought a lot, done a lot.
And now I want to talk about it.
It’s partially because I need to right now. I need to dive deeper into my own life to understand and explore more about myself. But it’s also partially to share with others. I’ve learned a lot from reading other people’s books / blogs / videos and talking with people who have seen and experienced more than me. And now I want to pass that forward.
They’re just thoughts, perspectives, ideas so take them / ignore them as needed. Hopefully they just make you think.
But honestly I hope we can talk about these ideas. My ideas, your ideas, your responses, your feelings, my understanding… our conversation. I’ve felt a deep yearning for more in depth conversation lately, so I’d love to hear your thoughts on anything that I write, whether you agree or disagree, whether you like it or don’t.
Let’s see where this goes…